I have spent a long time in my life, far too long, feeling like a cuckoo. I’ve never really fit in, and always done my very best to try and be like everyone else, or even better become invisible.
Years of being misdiagnosed as having every mental ill health issue imaginable, receiving treatment for these, and never really improving left me in a state of constant self loathing. As far as I was concerned I was a freak and everything that I did wrong was entirely my fault. And then I broke one last time, and was lucky to meet a Psychologist that would flip all of this, my life and my way of thinking on its head.
My plus is that I am me. I’m clumsy, overly emotional, empathic, scatter brained. I’m childish, silly, have a tendency to stick my tongue out when thinking and extremely loyal. I know everything about nothing, and am compulsively driven to find answers to all questions. I am raw, contrary, perpetually exhausted and exhausting. My Autism diagnosis flipped a switch and opened up the door to understanding, to being open and unafraid. I won’t hide anymore.
Too many people in this world are lost before they even have the chance to be. I am me, sticking out like the sorest of sore thumbs. Different is not wrong, it’s another means of being and to do so is to live for all those who cannot.
I exist. Dottled, dozy and driven. I’m not scared. – Morag Fraser